You’ve Got This
Tracy Becker
Reba asks: I know I need to set boundaries. Can you help me learn how to say no?
Oh, Reba, I love this question and so many others find themselves in this position. When you have been a yes person for a long time you get tired and resentful, and at some point, realize you must change, because no one else will do this for you. For this recognition, I congratulate you.
In addition, you are right, it is very difficult to have spent years, if not decades, accommodating others and saying yes to most any thing other’s ask of you to just turn around and start saying no. I would say nearly impossible without coming off as being angry and blaming others all the time.
If you took a yard stick and wrote the word YES on one end; and NO on the other, you can see that there is some distance between the two. Thus, I always recommend taking your time to travel that distance. First become at person whose response is one of the following: Let me check my calendar and get back with you. I’m not sure I can do that. I seem to have conflicting commitments. I would need to talk to my spouse about that, let me get back to you. Can you call me later in the week about that?
By taking this approach, you aren’t saying no, but you are giving yourself time to decide if it is your best interest to say yes or no. Many people in your position feel they are the only one who can or will commit, but I promise you, this isn’t true. It is an excuse, and its time for others to step up and contribute. Having a worn-out and resentful person doing things isn’t the optimal choice.
I would recommend that you start to pay attention to what a 100% YES commitment feels like. It will feel full of joy and excitement and nothing less. This is the destination in moving from a yes person to a no person. Everything you say YES to in life will elicits joy and excitement.
Be patient with yourself on this journey, yet keep your commitment to it because we need more people in joy and excitement on our planet, wouldn’t you agree?
You’ve got this, Reba.